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Many people play the lottery in hopes of winning the big jackpot, or even a couple thousand dollars to help fix whatever financial mess they’ve gotten themselves in to. Heck, I’ve even sat around and dreamed about the possibilities of what I would do if I won the lottery. But I never knew there was so much money out there for the taking! Insurance companies make so much money it’s falling out of their pockets. They don’t really know what to do with it, so they just end up throwing it at car accidents for some reason. Here’s how you can profit:
Get Hurt Really, Really Bad
I’m talking REALLY bad. Make sure the vehicle you are riding passenger seat in is going at least 120 MPH, and the driver is a dumb 18-year old who should even be allowed to ride a tricycle. Then, make sure when he tries to cut someone off, he swerves and over-corrects his vehicle up an embankment, and then flips the car 6 times (or so). If you want to make out big, make sure the car lands on its roof every time it flips over and crushes your spine with such pressure that your bones explode in your neck.
Or something like that. Either way, you are entitled to whatever PIP (Personal Injury Protection) policy the driver has if it’s not your fault. Most people have at least $100,000 of PIP coverage, sometimes more. You are going to need a good lawyer who gets 30% of the cut, but no big deal, you’re still making out like a bandit with your cash money! I mean, sure, you have a broken neck, 3-6 months of recovery and metal in your spine for life, it hurts when it’s cold out and you get sore when doing any physical labor for any amount of time, but at least you have your tens of thousands to comfort you when you can’t sleep. Ya ‘know, unless you blew all the money. Then it sucks…
Make Sure It’s Not Your Fault
The key to any accident is to make sure that you are not to blame. Also, drive a crappy car. If it’s no one’s fault, then you cannot profit. You need to make sure the accident is at least 51% the other person’s fault. For example, I hit a bicyclist a few years back. Now, it was definitely not my fault. I was going through a green light and he literally rode his bike into the side of my car. Luckily, he jumped off in time, but his bike peg popped my tire. Now, I won’t get into the details of how his (possibly homeless?) family was nearby, threatened me if I didn’t give them cash, and then punched me in the face. I will tell you that no one stopped as a witness to confirm it wasn’t my fault. The cop said it was no one’s fault, but I then had an accident on my record for 3 years, and my insurance shot up like $50 a month! So make sure you do this right.
Recently, I’ve talked about how I got in a small fender bender and went through the insurance claims process. Let me tell you, besides having to ask them twice to send me a check, I think the process is awesome, and completely set up to throw cash at the victim. GOOD THING I WAS THE VICTIM! So, a lady pulled out in front of me, and I ended up smashing my bumper into her wheel. She had no damage, everyone was ok, but my headlight cover exploded and my bumper was dinged pretty bad. The key here is that my car was still legally drivable. She sent me to her insurance claims department and they got all my info.
I went to two different auto-rebuild shops to get a quote, and got to talking with the manager at one. He gave me some great insight into the insurance process. Basically, my car is so cheap already that they might have to total the car. If my car was totaled, they would take it away and cut me a check for the value of it. If I wanted to keep it, I would have to buy it back at the “damaged appraised value”, so like $500 or whatever. I would then have a branded title and the car would be much harder to re-sell later, plus I’d be out $500 dollars of that sweet insurance money.
He told me to instead let the insurance company know that I would like to proceed with the “cash-out” option. WHOA! No one at the insurance company told me about this. Apparently, it’s like that room in the movie National Treasure (amazing movie, Nicolas Cage can do no wrong) that’s filled with endless riches, and you just need to figure out the clues to get there. Or, in this case, just say “I’d like to proceed with the cash out option.”
So I called up the insurance agency, quoted those exact words, and it’s like I flipped the switched in their robotic auto-response system, and they were all friendly-like “of course, Mr. iHB. We’ll send out our appraiser to get the total damage. Oh no, don’t worry, he’ll come to you, at your work even. And guess what, your car isn’t totaled, you get the full value of the appraised damage in cash money (tax free, btw), and you get to keep your vehicle. Anything else we can do for you? Would you like a mojito?” It was like magic. Insurance appraiser came out like 2 days later, appraised the crap out of my car, and a check was at my house within another week. WHAT?! Have I found the golden egg? Most likely.
Note: Never mind the fact that whoever cut the check at the insurance company must have failed 2nd grade because he “accidently” left a number off the check. I mean, if he got one of the numbers wrong, I can understand, BUT HOW DO YOU JUST LEAVE A NUMBER OFF?! And just so you know, leaving just one number off a check brings it down from the thousands to the hundreds. So I had to call them and have them send me the difference (like, over $1,300!). And, of course, knowing my luck with bills and such, it was lost in the mail. So they’ve sent another check in the mail and it SHOULD be here at the end of the week….
Note 2: For those of you who don’t get sarcasm, this entire post is dripping with it. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not think that getting in car accidents on purpose is a way to make money, it is absolutely not. Actually, there’s a nice little name for that; FRAUD. My first accident was very unfortunate, and I literally have a tough time holding my son for an extended period of time. Accidents are absolutely horrible, and insurance companies are there in case the worst happens. My second accident followed the legal process, and I just wanted to inform my readers of how to get the best deal if you don’t want to repair the vehicle, but you are entitled to compensation for the damages. My car is now worth almost nothing due to the damages, but since I’m still driving it, I decided to go with the cash out option. This option is not the best choice for everyone, please evaluate every accident individually.